To Judith...A letter from my heart

Hi Judith,

Hmm…waited whole night but still no sms. Well, but I believe you read and watch the video. Hope you like all these memories. Personally I like it a lot. J

You never share with me on how you feel, so I also don’t know what to say, I guess I can only guess. Haha Does that sound like a wrong sentence? Let’s see how will Holy Spirit guide me then…

Firstly, everything there is really from my heart. Sometimes I might be very angry with you…J but that’s because I care. What’s the real reason you decide not to come at that time? To be honest I really don’t know. Is it because of me? I really treasure this friendship with you and don’t want to lose you as a sister in Christ or as my beloved daughter.

Or do you fear coming back to CG? That everything will be funny? Personally I feel don’t let this bother you k? I mean things about cell group, we can talk about it when you feel more comfortable. I don’t want you to feel pressurize about coming back to cell group and then you have to do this do that and commit yourself so fully. Commitment takes time and to be honest I also not expecting you to come back and become wah, power Judith. But I just hope to see you at least having a relationship back with God. Where you can trust Him and believe in Him. This one year to live a life like that are you happy? All of us are created by God and if we never have God in our life, there will always be a missing part. We will not feel really complete. I have been away from God before and I understand how it feels. When I am away from God, even sometimes when I pray, I feel like God will not even hear. Then I am left alone with all my hurts, pain and disappointment. Well who do I blame? I make that choice too. But I always remember this, what Jesus want is just to stay with you and be with you. Then I will remember the song, come to the father, thou your gifts is small…Jesus didn’t come for people who feel they have a chance. Jesus comes for you and me, people who are imperfect. I am not asking you to be perfect but I am just asking do you want to give God a chance in your life again? This time when you come back to God, what will happen, nobody knows for sure, but leave all these things in God’s hand. Do things slowly bit by bit at one time.

Don’t let fear crept into you. I always have this fear of failure in me, I am afraid that if I fail, then how? So paiseh and malu…but the thing is if I never try how will I know. When you try things with God, there is always a possibility that things might happen. And things that happen are things for good! In life we all make mistakes, but how do I get through all these is when I told myself this, “I am not going to punish myself for the mistakes I have done, I am going to make remedy. This is the ONE life I have and I don’t want to live a life in regret, that when I turn back and look at my life, I end up shaking my head in disappointment. I want to be someone when I turn back and look at my life, I can proudly give a smile and say yes that’s me, I might have failed many times, done really wrong things, but I have learnt to rectify it, move on and do what is right in my life again!” That’s the kind of person I am trying to be everyday.

Judith what about you? Are you going to be that kind of person? I can fall down many times, but each time I learn and move on. God is still there waiting for you. Yes nearly a year has passed since you make that decision, but are you going to let another year pass you by? Or are you going to say this time round, let me try again. Let me try to build back my relationship with God. Remember God and me will never expect you to be like the old Judith again. All we hope is that you begin from now to make that decision to live your life right!

I believe this time round when you take that step of faith, and go for Easter services; you will begin to enjoy yourself. Church is fun and should never be something unhappy. Yes the people there do irritate us at times, but this is all about you and God. What God has given you, the gifts and talents, will always be there. He will not take them away.

I really hope to see you for this Easter. Don’t let another year pass by, Now…is the time! Make an effort to go for Easter and enjoy yourself. No pressure. Even if you say No, there is nothing God and me can do. But our love for you will always remain. To grow up with you is what I really want. I have already miss a chance to grow up together with you for a year. But I don’t want to make that same mistake again. I want to grow up together in Christ with you!

Love,
Amber