Jesus Reigns

I am now staring into blank space. feeling lost and confused. What do I do now? God what can I do? I feel that I have done all that I could but yet on the other hand I feel as though I have not do anything and I have just started...My mind is really totally blank blank blank...so blank that I dont even know what to write.

So many things I want to say but yet I just cant get it out. Maybe I am afraid the moment I start I cant stop? For the first time in a long long while, I have this feeling back again. so hurt, sad, disappointed that I cant cry. Can you imagine I cant cry? That sounds really bad huh...I hate the feeling of cant cry. because I dont know am I supposed to cry. so what if i cry, its not going to help things...so what if i dont cry, argh...i am so confused! *pause* I have just stared at this screen for sometime. but nothing seem to flow out of my mind.

God, for the first time I really dont know what to say to you. I feel like screaming at you but yet I know thats not right. And I know in my heart whatever I going to say to you, you are going to get upset but still....I need to say it out. its driving me crazy.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THESE?"
"WHERE ARE YOU?"

(Eileen called and I answered the phone) I am sorry girl but I really dont feel like talking.
I finally cried...God I need you!
Is this the only way? Is this the only road? * listening to miracle maker

I’m waiting here for my life to change,
When the waters stir you can rearrange me.
Just one touch is all I need,
I’ve nothing much but the wounds I feel,
I’m looking for the hand of the miracle man.

Holy, you are holy,
Who was and is and is to come.
Holy, you are holy, Saviour, Healer,
I’m standing at the feet of the miracle maker.

I’m holding on, with your life in mine,
Living water’s come,
And you’ve rearranged me.

Holy you are holy,Who was and is and is to come.
Holy, you are holy,Saviour, healer,
I’m staring in the face of the miracle maker.

Holy, you are holy,Who was and is and is to come.
Jesus, precious Jesus,Thank you, Saviour,
I’m walking in the shoes of my miracle maker.
I’m standing with the faith of a miracle maker.

God....this song is really what I want to say to you. I am really staring at you right now.

The next song: Glorious Redeemer

I love you with all my heart
Trust you with all I have
For you hold the heaven
and earth in your hand.
You died on the cross for me
took all my sin and shame
Your name is holy
exalted above all earth

Glorious redeemer
You have paid for my life
You have gone before me
Now I walk by your side

I lift my hands to you lord
You are worthy of all praise

Jesus Reigns

God can you bring me to that secret place? That place just between you and me. I just want to hide there. That place of love, peace and joy. Can I ever go there again? These 3 words "love,joy,peace" suddenly seem so foreign to me. Its so hard to love, so hard to have joy, so hard to find peace in my heart. God I am now in a middle of thunderstorm, how to get out of it. "Peace, Be still" I have said this many times, but I am still not out of it.

Now is the time? to get out of thunderstorm? can I really get through this? God can I really get through this? can I really? can I? can I get through all this? Argh.........

I just prayed...and God gave me this verse
Phil 3:10
that I may know Him and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to death

looking for explanations in crosswalk.com
That I may know him--experimentally. The aim of the "righteousness" just mentioned. This verse resumes, and more fully explains, "the excellency of the knowledge of Christ" (Philippians 3:8). To know HIM is more than merely to know a doctrine about Him. Believers are brought not only to redemption, but to the Redeemer Himself. the power of his resurrection--assuring believers of their justification (Romans 4:25, 1 Corinthians 15:17), and raising them up spiritually with Him, by virtue of their identification with Him in this, as in all the acts of His redeeming work for us (Romans 6:4, Colossians 2:12, 3:1). The power of the Divine Spirit, which raised Him from literal death, is the same which raises believers from spiritual death now (Ephesians 1:19,20), and shall raise their bodies from literal death hereafter (Romans 8:11). the fellowship of his sufferings--by identification with Him in His sufferings and death, by imputation; also, in actually bearing the cross whatever is laid on us, after His example, and so "filling up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ" (Colossians 1:24); and in the will to bear aught for His sake (Matthew 10:38, 16:24, 2 Timothy 2:11). As He bore all our sufferings (Isaiah 53:4), so we participate in His. made conformable unto his death--"conformed to the likeness of His death," namely, by continued sufferings for His sake, and mortifying of the carnal self (Romans 8:29, 1 Corinthians 15:31, 2 Corinthians 4:10-12, Galatians 2:20).

God how encouraging is that? looks like I cant run from you. Is that what you really want me to do? Yes God I want to KNOW you, and I want your resurrection POWER. so that will mean I have to go through all the sufferings...

Feeling slightly better now...I know God you have not left us yet. Just like today when we sing the dwelling places, I know that You are always with us and You are watching over us. The exact same songs that you speak into my heart...

Resurrection power...u want me to see that? but if I have not died how to see the resurrection power? SO I have to die. I might not have seen the fullness of your power, the fullness of your glory, but I feel I have somehow gotten a bit closer.

thank you God! I feel the strength from you one more time... phil 3:10 thank you for this revelation and encouragement.

Jesus reigns! He reigns!
love ya!!!! :)