Its been a long time...

Its been a long time since I have blogged... :)
So much thing to share...where should I start first?

ok..now I regretted not blogging every day...dont like to make LONG entries, make me sound like AhMa..

Let's say starting with today...

Amazing!!! Its coming back again, His tangible presence. I have waited so long for this.
God thanks for everything today...
When I see them all manifesting in His presence, I can't help but to cry. It was a cry of love. Its like I am experiencing together with them. Their pain and sorrow its so real, tears just began to flow down. It started on Friday discipleship class...

Nono..it started with darren...that week I feel His anointing. But it was not enough and I ask for more. And He gave me more. Fri discipleship was tiring...but it was good. I learnt many things from Holy Spirit. God, think this time I really accepted my calling.

The moment I obey Him, everything just seemed to work in places. I remember making that 'silly' prayer to God, "I dont want to do deliverance, its so tiring, can't I just be a normal CGL, take CG, preach and go home." And as a prayer answering God, He took it away from me. That was the lowest point in my life. Nothing seems to work, and everything just fall apart. I was so discouraged that I thought I must have heard it wrongly. I am not meant to be a CGL. But then HS reminded me of that prayer I made. I made the silliest prayer in my whole life and that is I rejected my calling.

But God just never give up ya? The verse Luke 4:18-19 just keep on coming back to me. Whatever things I do, I just can't forget that verse. That when HS came upon me, I have to set the captives free and preach the gospel. "Set the captives free...Set the captives free..."

It just keep on ringing in my head and I got so frustrated...and I have to give up. I just cant fight with God. I know I will lose. I know God has called me to do deliverance. Its like it flows with me wherever I go. I didnt meant to do deliverance, not this week...but when I lay hands it just came.

Everytime when it come, I can feel HS asking me, "Are you ready, Amber? I am coming..." then tears will flow down... and I will say "Yes, ever ready." And then I will feel that I am no longer myself anymore. Its like HS just came in my life and took control. Whatever He says I listen and I follow. He says pray for this and I will go, He says not this one now and I will obey. I never feel more in union with God than at the point of time. Its a very different feeling. He will open my eyes to see the pain that those people are experiencing. And He will tell me that if I pray for this, what will happen. And He will say, "Go on Amber, lay your hands and try it."

I remember the first time when I feel this compassion coming in my life was during one simple altar call that pastor was giving. That day I was standing in front. Not because I was responding but because I was helping to direct the people. Then all of a sudden, I can't move and then everyone that comes down, its like HS begin to whisper to me "This one just quarrel with family." "This just broke up with GF." "This person has the intention to backslide away from God." "This person has much fear in life." "This person needs love"...etc. It was like all of a sudden I can hear everyone' cries in my heart. It was so real yet so impossible. I remember freezing there for a moment and then I just begin to tear and tear. That amount of pain I feel in my heart. Amazing. It was like a partake of Jesus suffering on the cross. And then from then on, I feel my life was never the same again. I become more sensitive to Holy Spirit. It was like on that day, in my cries, I have signed a life-long contract with God. A big D....deliverance.

Then not long after that Cg seems to have move in that direction as well. Ocassionally, we will have deliverance. And somehow I got rather sick because I will be so tired at the end. And that was when I made that silly prayer...and all of a sudden it was gone...

I thought I will be happier but it was not true. I feel worse than before. I try to be as good a CGL as I can to the people, but somehow I am missing that touch.

But to have that anointing, it can be as simple as a prayer but it takes a whole life of commitment. How do I explain it? Take for e.g, Benny Hinn, He has a healing anointing and He has to do that for the rest of His life, because if He dont do it, God will just take it away from Him. So for me to have that, I really have to make a whole life of commitment to God, that I will only use that gift to glorify Him and I have to use it for the rest of my life.

I wonder did people like Benny Hinn, Mike Cornell went through what I did? Do they think like how I think? It takes courage to accept gift from God especially when you know the price you have to pay. Well it is a gift for free, you dont have to pay for it, Jesus did, but because it is a gift from God, He expects you to use it and use it well. Thats the scary part, tremendous responsibility. I know God loves me and He wants me to use this gift for His people. When I talk about this gift, it is more than just getting anointed when you go for mission trips or normal CG altar call. This is a gift that God has decided to give you for life. I cant run from it and I cant hide. Its like I just have it. When I hide from it, I feel dead. When I run away, I feel meaningless. I just have to say YES!

So I got the gift, and it flows from me today, the anointing I feel today...I miss it. exactly how I feel months ago before it left me but now stronger. More conviction, boldness and compassion. And it seems really funny to see how they try to hide from me. I remember I was going to walk towards torance and he just keep on shaking his head, like saying No No, He just didnt want me to lay my hands on him. Well he said later he has no recollection of hiding from me. When I lay hands on Chinming, He too try to run away from me. Interesting about Judith....I remember saying this to her which I dont really feel its from me. I said, "You know I am coming for you, dont you? You know you are the next one, and you are scared." At first she remained calm but she just sit there lifeless and I remember saying, "Its time for you to come out in Jesus name, you are already defeated 2000yrs ago," then she just manifested. Hers was a long one. but yet it was unsuccessful. not because God didnt want to deliver her, but she was not willing to let go. But I believe in my heart, it wont be long before God will deliver her again.

During CG, when I lay hands on Zhihao, he just begin to manifest. Let out a cry that shock me for a while, then all of a sudden, I just keep on crying. He was crying in pain of hurt and failure, and for that moment, I just feel like I was going through with him. I cant stop crying at all and then HS showed me the cross and I saw Jesus there. And He said, "Tell them every sin, failure and guilt has been paid for on the cross." I say, "Yes." and I begin to move on. Next was Tongheng. that one was hard. He clutched his hand so tightly. Didnt want me to lay hands on him, I just have to be firm, honestly I was abit clueless what to do, because I know He do talk to spirits. And then HS said, "remember the cross, and you need compassion to deliver him." So I close my eyes and ask for compassion, then suddenly I feel as though I was tongheng. I feel his insecurities, guilt and condemnation. I woke him up from his daze, expalined briefly what I am going to do, he nod his head and say he is ready. And then I begin to pray for him. Presence of God came one more time....and he was finally delivered! By that time, God's presence has already filled the whole room. It was tremendous, people was crying and worshipping God! But I have to end, cause its time for group 2.

Group 2 was another amazing time with God. When I lay hands on Joey, I just cry together with her. so much unloved she is going through. I cant do anything but just to pray that she will understand that God loves her the most! She manifested as well. Next I just move on to pray for them, some of them begin to fall on the floor and cry uncontrollably. Then I could feel a very thick presence of God and I move on to Anita. Didnt even touch her she was already tearing...the moment I lay hands on her, her whole body vibrate and she cried in a 'howling' voice. She keep on shaking and I can feel her pain in my spirit. I wonder how can anyone survive through such pain, God save her! then next was Chinho...that one was like trying to slip away from me. totally bend over, refused to let me pray, but well I am too used to "rejection". Which evil spirits will want me to pray for them? Then next, terecia, vanessa...etc. And I saw the new friend tearing in one corner. I know God has touched her. Everyone was crying and tearing in the presence of God.

Very reluctantly, I have to end group 2. I feel His presence, so thick and tangible...I love you God! Thanks for everything. You are simply too amazing beyond description.

God, I am coming back. Without a doubt, I believe that I am coming back with more anointing than before. This brings me back to that night, when I have an encounter with that 'thing'. But guess its late...so I will write it another time.

Am: God, this is just the beginning, right?
God: Yes, just the starting.
Am: What do I have to do next?
God: Keep on going on.
Am: I am going to see more new things right?
God: Yes.
Am: So I am doing that for my whole life?
God: Yes
Am: Any other alternative
God: Yes, your choice
Am: I think this is the best road I have taken so far.
God: You are doing fine my child, trust me.
Am: OK, I trust you with all my heart.
God: That is good enough to hear.
Am: I love you
God: I love you too.
Am: Thank you for everything
God: I am more than enough for you.
Am: Nite.
God: Nite.

A day has ended, but a new journey begins.

神的力量！The power of God!

Actually wanted to write this entry tmr because its already so late...but yet just when I want to sleep...YC called me!! I mean I am so amazed by God's power and I am really speechless. God, you are amazing...what can I say except to say its really you!

though we didnt get to talk much because he just want to take back the mini hifi back from me...but really, right from today...i really see God performing His miracles and work in W320

this morning, I say Joey online and I msn her and she replied me! I was so happy. Even though we didnt chat much, but I really thank God for giving me this chance to speak to her. I really miss her...alot alot. and when I asked her to join us for lunch today, she say ok! this reminds me of the first time I saw her, it was during a steamboat. She was only pri 6 then, a cute little girl and I love her the moment I see her. She has big eyes and a shy smile. What I remember about her is she likes to drink my soup. (feels like cooking for her again) Joey!!! if you can hear me shout in my spirit, I miss you!!!!

Anyway when she agreed to meet us for lunch, I am already very happy, not because I want to get her come service or cg, but I really just want to see her once more time. Then after that when I was giving karyie tuition and I saw Anita and Darren coming to my house, I was like "God, Am I dreaming?" They are here? I thought it was a joke, but they stayed at my house and even though we didnt really do much, but I feel for once in a long long time, I really feel so relaxed with them. And even though there are nights when I really get so frustrated with them for giving me attitude but for once I cant deny...I really care for them. who will take care of them when I am not around? God I pray with all my heart you must protect them, dont let them come to any harm...Hear my prayer God "Stay by their side and let them have good company and dont fall to bad ways. And touch their hearts and let them know that they have a God who loves them, a CG that will accept them." I love Anita, Karyie and Darren...

God, now I understand why you say compassion will bring the power of God. I finally understand this point. you know when everyone says that they are young and very hard to take care of, I choose not to listen to this. I love them despite what everyone says. And I finally see the power of God taking place today.

Its compassion that will bring down the resurrection power of God!

And while we eating halfway, I saw eileen tan. She was hesitant in joining us, but after a while she did walk over. Thanks for walking over...it was nice to see you with us again! But she didnt really stay with us and soon, karyie and eileen tan went off. When I see them leaving, you know what I feel like doing? I want to run over and hug them....I want to tell them Jesus loves you and I love you too! But I can also feel their hearts hardening. They might like us, but somehow I cant see God in them. Something is missing in them. Its their spirit.

And I remember Leon said: "Some of them change quite abit." And the names He mentioned were exactly those people that I have in mind as well.

Well today was an eventful day, even Ger was a good girl, so proud of her. She taught Kexin maths. Well done Ger!!!! Although there was some hicupps here and there, but generally the friends were open to us and we have a good time today.

Although we are supposed to meet desmond for dinner but he didnt turn up. He had something on last min. Still today was an eventful day. A day filled with God's power and anointing.

Thank you Jesus! Ended the friends outing by going to movie with friends and I came home. I was tired from all the talking but yet I was excited in my spirit! Then I ended the night with that call from yongcai. :)

And thats why I am still up here writing this...cause I didnt talk to him much, just to get the main point across that I wun force him to go CG or SVC but really all I want is to be a friend to him. I decide to sms him more and while I sms him, God spoke to me about this verse-

Jn 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.

how true is this verse...cause I sms YC, telling him I will be his friends no matter what happen and wherever he goes, he must always remember that we will love and support him. I might not be the one who died on the cross for him, but I hope I can be the one that will lead him near to the cross. Thats how great God love us! He lay down his life for us.

1 jn 3:16
By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

but then as I read, I also realised that God wants us to love our brothers and sisters to the extent of losing our lives!

And then it brings me back to my previous point:
Its compassion that will bring down the resurrection power of God!
It was because Jesus loves us and have compassion on us, thats why God resurrect Him!!

If we love the people, if we have compassion on them, God will resurrect our CG! He will perform His power in our CG!
Thank you Jesus for your new revelation! I love you!
And I realised the more I love them, the more I care for them, the more God will draw me to them. Theres no way I can escape from them, its like I will see them wherever I go!

This is just too amazing....with men it is impossible but with God all things are possible!!!

Say Cheese....:) but no mice pls..
I love W320

what to do when you are bored? Ans: Smile
I love W320

haha
I love W320

有时还真的笑不出。。。

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Does looking at the above sentence make u laugh? think i am feeling lame now.
So many things to say but I dont know how to start...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

好了，觉得自己很无聊。 明天才写。看照片就好

我终于把他们‘杀’ 了

Tears streamed down my cheek as I begin to walk my way home...
I felt pain in my chest....I have killed them...I have killed them....

I finally get it across to them...hmm but somehow I feel I didnt really do it very well. Cause they were playing..they dont have much chance to hear me out too. And I dont have much time to exlplain. But I feel in my spirit that I still need to explain to them once again. Perhaps I will call them later this week.

My spiriutal seeds...I killed them..
“你以后不要来就不要来。我们是不会在烦你了。”
Feel pain in my heart...where did I ever get the courage?? Have I realised what I have done??
God is this what you want me to do? I did it!

I killed those people that I love....who can understand how i feel...
maybe they feel that we really dont love them...but thats so not true...
they are so much a part of me....

I LOVE THEM!
But somehow maybe thats what God wants me to learn....
But i feel a release in my spirit...

We have been dead for too long...too long..
Its time for REVIVAL!

很想你！

Ger....我真的很想你。你一定要快点回来。just want to say you are forever in my heart.

Jesus Reigns

I am now staring into blank space. feeling lost and confused. What do I do now? God what can I do? I feel that I have done all that I could but yet on the other hand I feel as though I have not do anything and I have just started...My mind is really totally blank blank blank...so blank that I dont even know what to write.

So many things I want to say but yet I just cant get it out. Maybe I am afraid the moment I start I cant stop? For the first time in a long long while, I have this feeling back again. so hurt, sad, disappointed that I cant cry. Can you imagine I cant cry? That sounds really bad huh...I hate the feeling of cant cry. because I dont know am I supposed to cry. so what if i cry, its not going to help things...so what if i dont cry, argh...i am so confused! *pause* I have just stared at this screen for sometime. but nothing seem to flow out of my mind.

God, for the first time I really dont know what to say to you. I feel like screaming at you but yet I know thats not right. And I know in my heart whatever I going to say to you, you are going to get upset but still....I need to say it out. its driving me crazy.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THESE?"
"WHERE ARE YOU?"

(Eileen called and I answered the phone) I am sorry girl but I really dont feel like talking.
I finally cried...God I need you!
Is this the only way? Is this the only road? * listening to miracle maker

I’m waiting here for my life to change,
When the waters stir you can rearrange me.
Just one touch is all I need,
I’ve nothing much but the wounds I feel,
I’m looking for the hand of the miracle man.

Holy, you are holy,
Who was and is and is to come.
Holy, you are holy, Saviour, Healer,
I’m standing at the feet of the miracle maker.

I’m holding on, with your life in mine,
Living water’s come,
And you’ve rearranged me.

Holy you are holy,Who was and is and is to come.
Holy, you are holy,Saviour, healer,
I’m staring in the face of the miracle maker.

Holy, you are holy,Who was and is and is to come.
Jesus, precious Jesus,Thank you, Saviour,
I’m walking in the shoes of my miracle maker.
I’m standing with the faith of a miracle maker.

God....this song is really what I want to say to you. I am really staring at you right now.

The next song: Glorious Redeemer

I love you with all my heart
Trust you with all I have
For you hold the heaven
and earth in your hand.
You died on the cross for me
took all my sin and shame
Your name is holy
exalted above all earth

Glorious redeemer
You have paid for my life
You have gone before me
Now I walk by your side

I lift my hands to you lord
You are worthy of all praise

Jesus Reigns

God can you bring me to that secret place? That place just between you and me. I just want to hide there. That place of love, peace and joy. Can I ever go there again? These 3 words "love,joy,peace" suddenly seem so foreign to me. Its so hard to love, so hard to have joy, so hard to find peace in my heart. God I am now in a middle of thunderstorm, how to get out of it. "Peace, Be still" I have said this many times, but I am still not out of it.

Now is the time? to get out of thunderstorm? can I really get through this? God can I really get through this? can I really? can I? can I get through all this? Argh.........

I just prayed...and God gave me this verse
Phil 3:10
that I may know Him and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to death

looking for explanations in crosswalk.com
That I may know him--experimentally. The aim of the "righteousness" just mentioned. This verse resumes, and more fully explains, "the excellency of the knowledge of Christ" (Philippians 3:8). To know HIM is more than merely to know a doctrine about Him. Believers are brought not only to redemption, but to the Redeemer Himself. the power of his resurrection--assuring believers of their justification (Romans 4:25, 1 Corinthians 15:17), and raising them up spiritually with Him, by virtue of their identification with Him in this, as in all the acts of His redeeming work for us (Romans 6:4, Colossians 2:12, 3:1). The power of the Divine Spirit, which raised Him from literal death, is the same which raises believers from spiritual death now (Ephesians 1:19,20), and shall raise their bodies from literal death hereafter (Romans 8:11). the fellowship of his sufferings--by identification with Him in His sufferings and death, by imputation; also, in actually bearing the cross whatever is laid on us, after His example, and so "filling up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ" (Colossians 1:24); and in the will to bear aught for His sake (Matthew 10:38, 16:24, 2 Timothy 2:11). As He bore all our sufferings (Isaiah 53:4), so we participate in His. made conformable unto his death--"conformed to the likeness of His death," namely, by continued sufferings for His sake, and mortifying of the carnal self (Romans 8:29, 1 Corinthians 15:31, 2 Corinthians 4:10-12, Galatians 2:20).

God how encouraging is that? looks like I cant run from you. Is that what you really want me to do? Yes God I want to KNOW you, and I want your resurrection POWER. so that will mean I have to go through all the sufferings...

Feeling slightly better now...I know God you have not left us yet. Just like today when we sing the dwelling places, I know that You are always with us and You are watching over us. The exact same songs that you speak into my heart...

Resurrection power...u want me to see that? but if I have not died how to see the resurrection power? SO I have to die. I might not have seen the fullness of your power, the fullness of your glory, but I feel I have somehow gotten a bit closer.

thank you God! I feel the strength from you one more time... phil 3:10 thank you for this revelation and encouragement.

Jesus reigns! He reigns!
love ya!!!! :)

耶稣我爱你。。。

第二次用华语把自己的心情写下来。。。

今天的心情槽透了。做了一件不想做的事。我骂了她。骂了她过后，心又很痛。结果自己却哭了。从jurong point一路一直在哭。眼泪不停的流，心好像被针扎了一下。不是，是一千下。脑海里一直浮现这个问题：她真的不知道我很爱她吗？为什麽每次一发生问题她就要放弃。一天里两个最好的帮手竟然都那麽想。耶稣为什麽？为什麽她们不能为你坚持下去？难道真的就那麽难？有时我也想放弃。但根本不可能。我太爱耶稣了。耶稣你真的就那麽爱我们吗？答案∶“对，我就是那麽爱她们！”就是因为耶稣这麽爱她们，所以我根本不能放弃她们！

With YOU, I am always in victory!
I love W320

Thanks for bringing a smile to my face!
I love W320

只想好好爱耶稣

这可是我第一次用华语把自己心情记下来。

这几天都非常开心。每天都有被圣灵充满的感觉。觉得天下没有不能办不到的事。Phil 4:13
耶稣我好想告诉你我真的好爱你。有好多东西想要告诉你，但是又不知从哪说起。可能最想跟你说的是谢谢你！谢谢你让我能有今天的每一个祝福。让我能服侍你，是我的荣兴。

我现在只想天天活在你的同在。有你在，再多的苦我都愿意！因为你从来都不会说我办不到。你只会说好好加油。谢谢你那麽疼我。有了你，每一天就好像是活在天堂。

谢谢你那温柔的双手，扶持我每一天，每一秒。我现在只想好好爱你。耶稣你掌权！


祢爱永不变

祢 流 出 宝 血 洗 净 我 污 秽
将 我 的 生 命 赎 回

祢 为 了 我 的 罪 牺 牲 永 不 悔
显 明 祢 极 大 恩 惠

我 深 深 体 会 祢 爱 的 宝 贵
献 上 自 己 永 追 随

或 伤 心 或 气 馁 或 生 离 或 死 别
愿 刚 强 壮 胆 永 远 不 后 退
喔。。。祢 爱 永 不 变 从 今 至 到 永 远
深 深 浇 灌 我 心 田
或 天 旋 或 地 转
经 沧 海 历 桑 田
都 不 能 叫 我 与 祢 爱 隔 绝